Alt.Music.Weird-Al (AMW-A) For Newbies: Troll Alert: Stan's Tactics

Stan's Tactics

Last Updated: 06/08/03

The best way to 'deal with' the Stan problem, is to exercise the Universal Rule of "Know Thy Enemy". Some things listed here may be confusing, shocking or even offensive to you- but that's the nature of the Stan beast. This series of pages is to be of help in "knowing the enemy" and not to cause trouble, but rather to avoid it. Here, you'll find definitions and help on some of the unique bits and pieces Stan uses in his trolling.

What you can do: Ignore him, Killfile him, Report him to his emailer's abuse people...but whatever you do:
*DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM*!

Stan, the Man:
Is a resident of the greater Houston Texas area who is in his mid-to-late forties, lives with his mother, and (last we knew) works as either a courier or a car stereo repairman. He has very strong opinions and views on politics and various beliefs in regards to religion, certain artists' music, and scores of other stuff you'll find out about. Stan has a long track record of causing trouble both on and offline. There has even been police involvement.

Stan's Dictionary:
In AMW-A's experience in dealing with Stan, there are several words that have 'special meaning' to Stan. He'll raise a ruckus over 1 word used and he'll either tell ya to look it up in a dictionary, or he'll even quote one for you in a post! What's worse, the words that have 'special meaning' to Stan, he's *never* fully told us his personal definitions for them; thus using them in conversation is fruitless.

Words and phrases to avoid using should you converse with Stan. And we advise you *not* to attempt conversation!: 'reliable source', real (as in 'actual'), proof, doubt, fact, opinion, humble, 'in my humble opinion', relevant, 'true fans' (as in the 'fan' of a particular artist or group), gang, know, religion, censorship, 'freedom of speech', 'on topic', supposed (pronounced 'supposèd'), evidence

Stan's Politics:
Stan is an outspoken Democrat- that much we know for sure, and he *loves* a good political conversation. Unfortunately, he'll only talk about it when it's not the general topic being discussed.

Here's an inkling of what some of his political views are:

there is a "Know-Nothing Movement" associated with the Republican party which is out to do...*something*...misinform us perhaps?
there are 'Fishheads'. Don't ask me what they are.
there should be absolute seperation of Church and State
the Republicans are out to totally destroy our Freedom of Speech thru censorship
Democrats are "In the Know"....'in know' of what? don't ask

Stan's 'Syncs' and 'Hidden Messages'
'Syncs' is short for 'synchronizations', and Stan belives that there are syncs between certain songs and other stuff, and that certain songs have 'special meanings/messages' specifically for *him*! Either that or you have to be a 'true fan' to figure them out. Stan believes that such things exist in songs by the following artists (no particular order):

Brave Combo
Camel
Supertramp
Pink Floyd
Schwantz Lefantz
Flash In The Pan
Red Hots
Led Zepplin
"Weird Al" Yankovic
Vertical Horizon
Joydrop
Saturday Night Live!
Rockline

Stan will go on for posts on end about these syncs and hidden stuff. But personal reassurances from "Weird Al" Yankovic and a couple others have stated that no such things exist in their songs! When Stan receives these reassurances, he refuses to believe that they came from the actual-real-really-honest-to-goodness people who wrote it! AMW-A witnessed this first-hand when Al Yankovic himself faxed a note about the whole mess to Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz to pass on to us!

Stan's Other Favorite Celebrities:
Often he'll use quotes from these people, and in typical Stan fashion, he'll change the quote to suit his tastes. Sometimes Stan's synchs and political views deal with these people as well.

Stan's other favorite celebrites to pick on:

Bill & Hillary Clinton
Rush Limbaugh
Al Franken
Little Jack Medley

Stan's Quotations:
Whenever he quotes from his fav celebs or bands, he *always* manages to alter them to suit his tastes.

How he alters quotes:

Omits words from the original quote and replaces them with his own words in brackets " [ ] ".
Takes quotes out of context. Best example is some lyric: "Believe nothing that you're told" -?. He also quotes things Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz has said, again out of context, to apparently try to make it look like Jon hates us.
Types the quote and then adds personal comments galore. Or just comments with his usual 'synch' schtik. One way to spot this is his "StanNote" stuff. Not worth the reading.
He quotes and then he goes off on tangents as only Stan can do. These are *SO* easy to spot: too many nested parentheses " ( ) ".

Stan's Presentations of Argument:
Never fails- Stan will say something pertaining to any of the above things and will not back himself up! He will not tell us 'how' or 'why', only that we have to be 'true fans' and all that other crap. But what he will do is demand that you explain yourself when you contradict him! It's always a one-sided thing: he'll make a statement without leverage, then have you respond with your statement with leverage! ARGH!

Stan's Flames:
Stan will flame and even name-call anyone who disagrees with him. And he'll do it by:

quoting your entire post and reposting it without adding anything to it
quoting you entire post and reposting and quote an obscure song or quoting an ENTIRE song
quote an obscure song or quoting an ENTIRE song anyway
call you a member of the "Know-Nothing Movement", a "Fishead", and/or something else he finds amusing

He'll also do any of this out-of-the-blue, or when he "sees" something he claims to be "relevant."

Stan's Track Record:
Hold on to your seats!

disbanding a Brave Combo mailing list (this was written about in a MAJOR National magazine- forgot which one)
attempting to take over/disband the newsgroup alt.music.pink-floyd and a large message board for Vertical Horizon
stalked (by phone and fax) a member of his favorite band (was it Carl Finch?)
demanding attention from his idols and when he gets it, he refuses to believe that it's them and/or that it's all been a set-up
'done research' on members of AMW-A, trying to find out personal stuff (in violation of his TOS) that he can use to taunt and stalk them further
wasting newsreader and email bandwidth by posting over 100+ times and emailing the same person 30+ a day! (and I'm NOT kidding!)
taken a printed newsarticle written about Weird Al's appreciation of his fans and re-editing it to claim that in the article Al was insulting his fans (also to discredit the original author who is a regular to amwa).

If I missed anything- let me know!

Stan's Prime Targets:
Stan has a tendency to target certain individuals and people who do certain things. His past prime targets on AMW-A have been:

Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz
Carlotta Barnes
Amanda Cohen
Greg 'Catra-Dotem'
'Rainbow Heron' (me)
anyone who uses the " ~ " symbol in their handle or sig
Those who post the FAQs
Chuck Miller (Boardwalk7)

Stan will also target/post against specific basic newsgroup functions. Most of these are predictable.

Stan's Flags:
Stan will flame and even name-call *anyone* who disagrees with him. And he'll do it by:

If someone responds to the first post of a thread:: He'll post: "Stupid ELEPHANTS! See them holding each other's tails?" -(whatever group this is)
If someone uses the " ~ " symbol:: He'll post: "Fisheads fisheads, rolly polly fisheads, eat 'em up yum!" -Barnes & Barnes
If someone follows up to the above:: Sometimes he'll post: "...cuz Fisheads can't talk" -Barnes & Barnes
Someone makes a post:: Stan will take your online name and screw it up and then right after it write either: "...continues to whine", "...continues to bore us", "...trolls" , or "troll #..." and then posts the whole original message or at least the header (frequently follows monthly FAQ posts)

Stan's Other Junk:
Lately Stan has been going more and more off-topic in general. While this isn't really new news or anything, it has gotten more diverse. But he still has his favorites.

Stan's off-topic topics:

Saturday Night Live (complete with 'synchs' and 'hidden meanings'). Usually posted immediately after an SNL airing.
Rockline (band reviews, again with 'synchs' and 'hidden meanings')
Off-Topic cross-posting to other newsgroups and claiming 'relevance' or goodness knows what else. [So what else is new?]

Those are the main ones, I'll post the others later if y'all think it'll help.

I hope that this page has been of some help to you, and I hope and pray that you never receive an email from, see a post from, or see another reference to Stan again. All of his email addresses should be killfiled if possible.
But most important: DO NOT RESPOND TO A WORD HE SAYS!

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