======================================================================== [Sith War 9] Darths Malling Full Version ======================================================================== Okokok so we're not Darths, but it's still a *Sith* War... ===Part One: Take Me Out To the Mall 'Gain=== "One, Two Three- HEAVE!!!" With a collective grunt, Alice and all of the Pokemon lifted the front end of the security van, and dumped the snoozing members of N'Sync into a really really deep pit down in the deep recesses of the Shaven Wookie Snowfortress. But no sooner had they closed and locked the hatch, than the Pokemon decided to celebrate by going out to a large lunch at the RASSM Mall. After about 15 minutes of incessant chants of" Iwannagocanwego?Iwannagocanwego?" and "Mall!Mall!Mall!Mall!", Alice bent under the pressure. Hawkins and the others declined to go, citing that it would soon be time for the "Spoiled and Excited Clueless Newbie Influx" that was expected soon. And the fact that the Shaven Wookies were fiercely guarding their newly-stocked fridge for the duration meant that Alice and the Pokemon had to eat out. "Well I guess we could go check out that new Food Court at they remodeled." "YAY!!!!!!!!!" all the Pokemon cheered, like that old alarm clock Alice used to hate. ===Part Two: Dead Giveaway=== "Hey! Quit hogging the Subway, Sparky!" "Pikapika-p PIKA PikaCHU!!!!!!!!!!" Ewanpuff and PeterPika were fighting over the last 6 inches of their section of 6-foot-long Subway sub sandwich. Everyone was busy with their food: both playing with it as much as eating it. Hot ROddish was happily enjoying himself by practicing his new Ginshu razor leaf methods Alice had been teaching him, Seanpuff stealthily eyed a strange-looking punk couple by the tattoo parlor, Ianpuff typed a few figures into his pocket calculator, and Jedichu was picking out the olives from his portion whenever Alice wasn't looking up from her newspaper. Alice smiled to herself as she read, "Well well well, it looks like the arena made quite a killing off of those ticket sales. The audience was lliterally looking quite dead." "What's that Alice?" Jedichu quickly hid an olive behind his back. "It appears that almost as soon as the sun came up, everybody turned inexplicably Goth." "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!" gasped the lot. "It says here that: 'the sleeping news anchors awoke to the sight of death, as the angry and penniless mob suddenly decided that Marylin Manson croooned much better than any AJ or Justin. Instead of turning to dust a the sight of dawn, they all merely shriveled up and marched like drunken zombies from the stadium.'" Hamillpuff liked the visual, "Drunken Zombies, eh? I bet they all walked around looking like this." He jumped out fromt eh potted plant that he was climbing around and walked towards PeterPika and Hot ROddish (the two youngsters) doing his best Frankenstein impression. "No no no! Like THIS!" Ewanpuff jumped out of his chair and did his best to look like he was dead and hating it. Ianpuff and Seanpuff rolled their eyes and shook their heads. PeterPika and Hot ROddish giggled with glee and both got up from their seats and began to walk around the food court moaning and groaning in bloodless apathy. Alice continued to read the paper, and reached for the completely uneaten (and unclaimed) extra large fish club sandwich, but Ianpuff cautioned her, "Uh, you *do* know that's stale by now right?" "Why in the hell it takes you guys 5 and a half hours to finish a meal everytime we eat out is beyond me!" Alice pulled her feet from off the table and stretched, and started to gather what was left of the group up when a few customers in the back began to scream. "C'mon guys, leave those patrons alone!" Hamillpuff called back (still doing his undead impression), "But A-a-a-aliiiiiice weeeeeeere oveeeeeeeeeer heeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeee." Sure enough they were right back by her feet by now. So what was all that screaming? ===Part Three: A Mall Maulling=== She damn near screamed herself as several shots rang out in their general vicinity. Dozens upon dozens of little drones had positioned themselves along the entire perimeter of the Food Court. Little red bolts of laser fire soon dotted the atmosphere as more droids of some kind swooped into the area and opened fire on Alice's Pokemon. "Attack Formation!!!" She screamed. Each Pokemon took a couple of droids. The 4 Jigglypuffs each got the attention of two or more of the seekers, and once the seekers were 100% focues on *them*, they began to run around and almost into the walls (all the while dodging blaster bolts), hoping to crash the little buggers. Sadly, they only managed to crash maybe 3 of them. Realizing they were introuble, the Jigglypuffs each took cover behind some greenery and climb the support columns under the cover. When they reached a higher altitude than the seekers, they each jumped down in an attempt to land on one, and do the same as earlier. Seanpuff and Ianpuff succeeded in landing on two of the larger seekers, but Hamillpuff landed on the floor (and recovered in record time as 4 seekers chased him up), and Ewanpuff managed to grip the edge of one and hold on. The seekers zipped all over trying to shake the little pink balloonish critters off, but because they were programmed to shoot Pokemon and little else, the only thing they managed to do, was chase down the three Jigglypuff-ridden seekers and blast them to bits just as the Jigglypuffs jumped off. PeterPika and Hamillpuff were trying something similar along the ground. PeterPika used his agility skills to run around the food court, and was able to dodge almost every laser bolt. When a few bolts grazed his tail, he let out a large thundershock to try to zap them down, but to little avail. After he got a few of them to smack into the walls, Hamillpuff pounded them out of comission as soon as they landed. Jedichu and Alice were busy with their lightsabers. For some reason, the seekers never once shot at Alice, giving her all the time and safety she needed to slice 'em up like bread. It also gave her plenty of time to instruct Hot ROddish in his razor leaf attacks (which were working perfectly) against the seekers following him. Jedichu was braving the fight extremely well, but whenever he tried to zap the seekers, he too was relatively unsucessful. He and PeterPika even tried a large combined thundershock attack and *still* it didn't help. Then all of a sudden, all of the seeker drones stopped firing and backed off a little. The Pokemon knew that meant phase 2 was coming, but they didn't know how bad it would be. Jedichu and Alice sensed them coming. 2 droidekas were rolling from either side of the mall towards them. This was going to be bad. VERY bad. "Jigglypuffs, return!" Alice whipped out 4 Pokeballs and 3 of the 4 Jigglypuffs disappeared in a flash or red. Ewanpuff hates Pokeballs and under normal circumstances he'd be able to get away with staying out. But since Alice didn't have time to hassle with him, she had PeterPika hold hin still as she put into his Pokeball. She attached the Pokeballs to her belt just as the 2 droidekas unfolded. ===Part Four: "They Win This Round"=== 2 Pikachus, and Oddish, and a Human against 2 droidekas. It *should* have been an easy win. And it was. For the droidekas. Jedichu hadn't encountered this kind before and was unsure of their shielding. Both he and PeterPika tried another joint electroshock attack (which sent out one hell of a blast) but it bounced harmlessly off the shields of the droidekas. "Save it boys. They got us." Alice let her stance relax. Hot ROddish got scared. "Oddish. Oddish oddi-" "I said, put down your arms. They win this round." Alice and Jedichu both put away their lightsabers as PeterPika and Hot ROddish put their hands and leaves in the air. Not surprisingly, The Jedi Hacker rounded the corner just as 4 more droidekas came up to the group, each aiming their blasters -but not firing- at the surrendered Pokemon. The sight of the Hacker made Alice damn near burst out laughing: he was dressed in 'chain maile' from head to toe, which made a ridiulously hollow metallic sound as he stomped thru the mall. He stopped to survey the damage and give the Pokemon a contemptuous look. He assumed the Jigglypuffs were dead as they were nowhere in sight. PeterPika and Hot ROddish nearly cried as they watched The Jedi Hacker walk past them towards Alice. She had her face to the ground and was doing her damnedest to keep a straight face. They could see her face from way down there and began to get the giggles as well. Alice made a failed attempt to look serious in shushing them but it made her condition worse. The Jedi Hacker (poor guy) mistook her for being pleased with him as she bit her lips and looked up at him. He gave her a smile and then turned towards Jedichu, the Jedi Pikachu: "At last, we meet." ===Part Five: Join the Club=== Jedichu looked at him defeatedly, but with the candor of Master Yoda, "We meet indeed." The Jedi Hacker seemed a little surprised to find that his prey could talk. Even moreso that he sounded exactly like James Mason. "Well done young Jedi, you have defeated us." Jedichu looked sadly at Alice, who had regained her composure by now. He then fell to his knees and began to cry. "But I don't see what your problem is, Jedi Hacker!!!" Hacker was about to say something when Alice interrupted him, "Yes, what IS your problem anyway?" The Jedi Hacker seemed to forget the talking Pikachu for a minute as he soaked in the moment- his lady spoke to him. He walked closer to her and the closer he came, the closer she came to busting out laughing again. She thought she'd burst at any moment. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper in shining armor?" she managed. The Jedi Hacker did his best to look gailiant (which made her snicker harder) "I'm here to rescue you from these vile agents of Hawkins." She was genuinely surprised that he still didn't get it after all of this, but it still made her laugh. She decided to go with it as long as she could while she still had the Hacker's attention, "Oh really?" The unintended timing of her smile was perfect. Ianpuff would have loved to see this. The Jedi Hacker went to put his arm around her, but she backed up just a little bit. "Come with me my-" "Oh I think I quite like it here." "Right here? Gee," The Jedi Hacker squirmed. "I didn't think you were that type of a girl." Alice laugh/smiled again. It couldn't possibly be this easy. He couldn't see that she was trying to tell him off again, and he'd cut her off midsentense too. "Well you don't know me very well do you." She bit her lip, took another step back towards the table, and put her hand behind her. She was sure he said something quite knight-in-shining-armor-like jut then but she missed it. She was concentrating on something. Hacker was making gestures like he had conquered the universe and was going to take her away with him. "-and so my dear, will you come with me now?" She hadn't been paying attention and tried to fudge an answer by asking questions. "So you just can't leave me alone can you?" "No never, we were meant to be together." PeterPika pretended to throw up, but gave it up when a droidekas clicked its gun at him. "What if I told you I didn't wanna go with you?" She asked very straight-faced, humor and smile gone. His apperance may have been a royal joke, but this was no longer a laughing matter. The Jedi Hacker looked at her very sadly and said, "What have they *done* to you my dear? They've brainwashed you. Damn those hairless overgrown Ewoks!!!!!" Alice continued to reach for something behind her- and found it. She looked the Jedi Hacker straight in the eye and said point-blank: "I'm not brainwashed. You are. I'm not interested in you." Hacker, still lost in his fantasies, didn't seem to hear her, and Alice had lost patience with the whole thing by now. He was so close now that she wished he'd at least brushed his teeth or chewed a Dentine Ice or something. She used her Jedi instincts to try and drive the point him to him: "I said I'm NOT interested in you Mr. Hacker! You almost cost me my honor and I don't appreciate that! And neither do my Pokemon!" Jedichu had been his own Jedi instincts to drive his own point home. While he sat kneeling on the floor pretending to cry, he had been stretching out with the PokeForce to the inner workings of the droidekas. Studying their inner workings and finding their batteries, he called on the PokeForce and his natural electric abilities to overload them and the circuitry- causing them to explode. At the last instant, Alice hit the Jedi Hacker across the face DAMN hard with the thing she had found behind her -the extremely stale, totally uneaten, and dried-out-by-blaster-bolts fish club sandwich. It knocked him out, and dented his armor juuuuuuust enough to cause a small hole or two. Alice jumped behind the table in time to dodge the explosion. As the smoke cleared, she saw the food court in ruins, the Jedi Hacker totally knocked out, and her last 3 Pokemon alive and well and hiding behind a supporting column...which was close to collapse. ===Part Six: Mall Rats=== "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alice scooped up the two youngest Pokemon and ran with Jedichu towards the opposite end of the mall, with the last 2 droidekas hot on their heels. Jedichu ignited his saber and chopped down a nearby indoor tree, which fell right in front of the 2 droidekas and bought our heroes an extra 6 seconds. "Alice," Jedichu said as they huffed and puffed down the length of the mall. "Yes?" "I really hate the mall you know. I just wanted you to know I'm *not* having a blast." Behind them, a loud and thunderous sound roared thru ad shook the mall. The last column at the Food Court had collapsed. "I hope he got out in time," Alice said as they ran. "I don't like killing people. Nasty job." PeterPika called from her arm and pointed to the Petco outlet up ahead. They ducked in to catch their breaths. As they panted and fanned themselves, Hot ROddish noticed that the nearby rack was stocked full. "ODDISH!!!!" Back at the demolished Food Court, the Jedi Hacker picked himself up from the rubble and wobbled a few times. His armor had been dented and broken in a few places. He also felt the pains of being hit on the head, and electrically shocked. He picked up a piece of exploded droidekas and let out a cry. Just as he was done with his 1138th cursing of Hawkins and his minons, he noticed hundreds of little wind-up mice and rats rolling their way towards him. On top of one of them was a small holoprojector, with a little Post-it note that said "Play Me". He pushed the button and up popped an image of Alice. Here's what the message said: "Mr. Hacker, I do not know what your problem is, but I do know this: I am not, nor have I ever been, interested in you. You dishonored me at the Snowball Fight of the Wookie Snowfortress, and my Pokemon defended me. I later reprogrammed you myself as your punishement. Whatever feelings you think you have for me, I cannot vouch for, as they are your own problem. But if you *do* have any *respect* for me whatsoever, you will leave me and mine alone. The Pokemon belong to me, not to Hawkins, and if you ever so much as try to lay a blaster bolt or mistyped word on them again, you'll be very very sorry." She appeared very calm, cool, collect, and damn serious, if not out of breath in the projection. Hacker turned it over in his hands a few times and thought it over. Outside in the parking lot, Alice and the Pokemon made it back to the Jump-DMC. She let everyone out of their Pokeballs so they could at least see the outside damage done to the food court. After another small round of congratulations, Alice laid down a stern new rule: "IF we ever go to a mall again, I'm NOT shelling out $50 for lunch ..unless we keep at least one uneaten and VERY stale fish club sandwich around." ============ SUMMARY: -Alice and Pokemon know about the Goth attack and have a little fun with the visual -Alice and The Jedi Hacker meet face to face again -Jedichu and Alice are good at amateur acting, but Hacker is terrible at learning how to recognize rejection -Jedichu found a way to destroy the droidekas -Alice sent Hacker a holo telling him everything point-blank -the Food Court at the mall has been totally destroyed -there are hundreds of wind-up mice and rats running around loose ============ Whew! Well, Hack? -Rainbow Heron (sig wonders what happened to the sandwich) Hey, where are the other sides in the Sith War these days anyway? ========================================== http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/swc.htm Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page ========================================== Who needs kids when you've got Pokémon?! ================================================================================================================================================ Please don't repost this without my permission or plagerize this AT ALL! Thanks for stopping by! Rainbow Heron 03/11/02 The 2 lines that were originally edited out accidentally were reposted seperately. Here's the whole and complete thing at once! ================================================================================================================================================